Nice to meet you

“Nice to meet you” are four words I often enjoy hearing because it means I’ve had the opportunity to meet someone new. However, when these words were recently said to me, I felt nothing but sadness. You see, my Aunt Shirley, whom I have been close to all of my life and love dearly, said these words when I visited her in the nursing home not long ago.  I forced myself to keep my composure because I didn’t want to upset my cousin (her daughter).  But, these words stuck to me like superglue to a piece of paper.  Yes, there have been other instances where my aunt really didn’t know who I was and I felt a sting of pain, but these four words coming from her mouth almost took my breath away.

Less than twenty-four hours after this visit, I was at home watching TV and this conversation crossed my mind and within a matter of a few seconds the flood gate of tears began streaming down my face--I am crying now while writing this article. I know that my aunt has Alzheimer’s disease but that doesn’t mean it’s easy for me to accept or not painful to deal with at times.  But, when my aunt said “Nice to meet you” it was yet another reminder for me how real this disease is and that she really has it. 

The truth is that I’ve been in denial for a while of my aunt’s diagnosis and often when I go see her I tell myself that she and I are going to engage in conversations like we did in the past. I often say, “I’m your niece. You know, your brother Larry’s daughter.”  She will look at me with her bright beautiful smile and say something that I may or may not understand and I then whisper a prayer to God to give me the strength not to break down right there on the spot.

I guess it’s time for me to “pull up my big girl panties,” as one of my co-workers says, and get myself together because the reality is that my aunt has Alzheimer’s – even though the mere word makes me cringe. When I’m going through things in life or simply want some Godly instruction and words of wisdom, talking to my aunt always comes to mind and so when I go and see her I desperately want to have these conversations like we did in the past. However, I know that I am only torturing myself because these types of conversations unfortunately won’t happen again and it is truly selfish to always try and jog my Aunt Shirley's memory to remind her that I am her niece and her baby brother’s daughter, so I need to just stop it. And, stop it I will!

All in all, I will continue to cherish the memories of the wonderful conversations my Aunt Shirley and I have had in the past and focus on making new memories when I now spend time with her.

I love you Aunt Shirley!

 

©Carla J. Curtis, May 2013