Treating the Elderly with Chivalry and Respect

At church yesterday, it was “friends and family day.” After the morning service, food was served and everyone got a chance to fellowship with one another. While in the line waiting to fix my plate, I noticed four elderly women – probably in their 70s and 80s – sitting and chatting, but not eating. Something about this just didn’t sit right with me. I thought about how I was raised, and then tapped the shoulder of one of our male church members and said, “You see those ladies over there, I think they should be ushered to the front of the line to get their plates.” He agreed and said, “Let’s go.”

We walked up to the table and immediately greeted the ladies and indicated that we would like for them to go to the front of the line to fix their plates. The ladies looked shocked. They appreciated the offer, but said that it was not necessary and that they really had no problem waiting to get their food. Plus, they didn’t want to bother anybody. Well, I insisted, and so did the other church member.

The ladies kept looking at us as if we were from Mars or something. In a very respectful and candid tone I said, “This is how I was raised and, it’s fine for you to go to the front of the line.” To me, it was just simply standard protocol. I then pondered the question, “Whatever happened to treating the elderly with chivalry and respect?

At the end of the day, I wasn’t going to take no for an answer – and neither was the church member that approached the ladies with me. If the ladies were not able to walk to the front of the line, I was prepared to offer to fix their plates. By then, I guess the ladies were thinking to themselves, “These folks are serious.” Yes, we were very serious. They got up and were ushered to the front of the line by the male church member. Before leaving, two of them came up to me and expressed their appreciation of us looking out for them. They also said some very nice, complimentary things to me, which truly blessed my soul. I smiled and thanked them.

This incident reminded me of the time about five years ago when I attended a friend’s college graduation. After the graduation, we gathered at her house to celebrate. To pick up a few things for the celebration, my friend’s aunt and stepmother went to the store. I saw them pull into the driveway and immediately met them at the car and said, “Let me carry the bags for you.” They both looked at me and each other in shock. I was perplexed, because, in my mind, this is what I was supposed to do. These were elderly women, so out of respect, I was supposed to at least offer to help carry their bags. After some dialogue, I grabbed as many bags as I could and headed back into the house. They told me, “You sure were raised right.”

These two scenarios have been “Aha!” moments for me because I thought that this behavior was the customary way to treat the elderly. To me, it’s like being on a bus. If I am seated and there are no empty seats, and if an elderly person is standing or gets on after I do, I immediately get up and offer my seat to him or her. If this person flat out refuses, I would then sit back down. However, I would never remain in my seat and let him or her stand up. Yes, I know times have changed, and many simple courtesies have fallen to the wayside, but to me, treating the elderly with chivalry should not be one of them.

Mom and Dad, I want to publicly thank you both for instilling in me the importance of treating the elderly with chivalry and respect. And I thank the Lord that I did the same for my daughter, who has been working with the elderly as a nurse for several years and is very well liked by the clients and their families. It does my heart proud!

© Carla J. Curtis, March 2015