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Women Divided Within the Church

Sitting here on this Saturday evening, I went looking through some old files on my computer and ran across a few articles that I wrote over ten years ago. After reading a few of them, I decided to post this one on Carla's Reflections. I'm still trying to figure out what prompted me to write this article in the first place so long ago -- somebody probably made me mad at church and since I have been known to snap off, more than likely I decided to come home to write an article to let off my frustrations. I do remember though that it was published in a local magazine out of Indiana, I believe. I also believe that it was posted online a few places. This is why I need to be more organized so I can put my hands on the magazine that is was printed in and the document that contains where some of my articles have been posted. Anyway, check it out...

While entering the sanctuary for Sunday service, a rather stunning woman with smooth silky skin confidently walks down the aisle in a stylish designer blue pinstriped pants suit. Before the usher is able to find a bench with an available seat, another woman already seated in a pew is quickly forming her lips, crinkling her nose and rolling her eyes once or twice and spewing the words, “Look at her, she thinks she’s all that. She ain’t nothing.”  

The woman who speaks these negative words doesn’t understand as it says in Proverbs 18:21 (MSG), Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose. As women of God, we should make it a priority to stick together and only speak words that uplift rather than tear down. 

Within the body of Christ, it’s unfortunate that some women have this ungodly way of thinking and sadly enough this mindset spreads throughout many churches when it should not. For instance, women who may experience envy due to another wearing a designer outfit whereas they may barely have the funds to shop at Goodwill, let alone Wal-Mart. Married women are uncomfortable being around single women for fear that these women will flirt with their husbands. Then, there are single women who experience jealousy because they don’t have a husband at home or even the prospect of one in near sight.  Educated women looking down on the less educated and the less-educated women calling the educated ones snobs and the list go on. 

The fact remains that as women of God we should celebrate, encourage and uplift each other instead of being judgmental. As my mother drilled in my head while growing up, “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all” and she is so right. I know that I am not perfect and due to maltreatment from others, at one time, I got caught up with this same mentality; I felt I had a reason to act ignorant since other women chose to judge me before even knowing my name.

I have realized the error of my ways and have asked for forgiveness for my actions. Instead of striking back when I get certain looks, I’ve now learned the best thing that I can do is not take these actions seriously because after all it’s important for me to forgive others just as God has forgiven me. When my mind wants to resort to its old way of thinking, I read Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV), as a reminder. If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. 

Although no woman is perfect, it is my prayer that speaking positively about one another versus negatively becomes more of the norm. In doing so, I know we are taking the first step into ensuring that we won’t be Women Divided within the Church, which in turn makes the world a better place and helps to build the body of Christ.

©Carla J. Curtis, November 2005

A Sistah's Perspective: Journeying Through the Season of Singleness

Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

All too often, I have found that we single sistahs in the church seem to think that God has passed us by when it comes to being blessed with a husband. We come to church, pray, tithe, worship, serve on committees, and want to have the company of a strong African-American Christian husband. As the tears roll down our brown cheeks, we ask God, “Did you forget about blessing me with a husband?” 

Each week as the seat beside us (claimed as our husband’s) stays empty, we lose the faith.  And, when we hear the words, “Sistah, perhaps it’s not in God’s will that you marry,” makes things even worse. Then we engage in pity parties and depression sessions.

Although it gets hard at times, we have to be relentless in our pursuit for God and righteous living. If we are not seeking God’s will first, then Satan can fill our heads with negative thoughts which may cause us to doubt God. When loneliness seems to be at its peaks in our lives, we have to fast, pray and read our Bibles more. We can even ask someone to pray with and for us.

We have to persist in doing what is necessary to not allow our singleness to prevent us from living happy, productive and fulfilled lives. Most importantly, we have to come to the understanding that being single is not a curse, as some people make it seem. We have to thank God for this season because it will be different when we have to consider a husband’s needs rather than just our own. And, let’s be real, some of us, including myself, can be selfish at times.

During our season of singleness, we must make righteous living a priority so that we can begin pursuing our destinies. We cannot do this if we are always having pity parties with ourselves and other single sistahs about the shortage of available Black men and how trifling the ones are in which we have been in relationships. This type of behavior is a waste of time. In lieu of the pity party trap, God wants us to do what is necessary to build the kingdom of God and not tear it down. We need to use this time of singleness to focus on God’s will for our lives.

As single sistahs, we have to change our mindset of singleness and thank God for using this time to prune and prepare us to do a mighty work for Him. When God feels that we are ready, we will be introduced to our ‘Boaz’ and we will then be ready to welcome him with open arms. 

© Copyright Carla J. Curtis

August 2004

Why I Write

Wow! I was going through some files, and found this article that I wrote in September 2001 titled, "Why I Write." I can't believe that I wrote this article over fourteen years ago. Time goes by so fast.

Why I Write

I write because it allows me to dig deep into the depths of my soul to examine and express myself, which is very therapeutic. Whether I am creating an essay, nonfiction or fiction writings, I have found that writing has always been instrumental in allowing me to use my “creative juices” to stay emotionally balanced and to motivate and uplift others.

When I am going through the storms of life, writing allows me to release my anger, frustrations and fears, which keeps me centered on the blessing of life and less focused on life’s ups and downs. At the same time, writing allows me to create written recordings of my good times and milestones, which in turn, helps me to always remember that in spite of everything…”weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning (Psalm 30:5 KJV).

Most importantly, receiving feedback from the readers of my book, A Single Woman’s Parenting Journey: Survival Tidbits, makes me feel honored to know that I’ve far exceeded my objective of wanting to write a book to motivate and encourage other single mothers. And, this does my heart proud!

Writing to me is like gasoline to an automobile, without it, I would be immobilized.

© Carla J. Curtis, September 2001