In Memory of Joyce Murray

I’ve been avoiding writing this post for several days – especially since within the last year I have lost four people near and dear to my heart with my mother, Carline N. Curtis, being one of them. It is still hard for me to admit that my mother is gone. Therefore, I just couldn’t muster up the strength to write this post until now because it pains me too much to even say that Joyce Murray, Mama Joyce as I affectionately called her and who was like a second mother to me, has passed away.

Mama Joyce was a phenomenal woman with great faith, strength and love. She TRULY loved everyone she came in contact with and demonstrated that love on so many levels. When you were in Mama Joyce’s presence you walked away feeling loved and encouraged to keep pressin’ on no matter what you were going through. And, when it came to cooking, Mama Joyce was indeed one of the best cooks in the world with Monkey Bread being one of her signature desserts. I can vividly remember talking to her on a few occasions about what kinds of seasonings she used to cook her food because no matter what she cooked it was delicious!! In addition, Mama Joyce could sure nuff preach!!!

I am thankful that God allowed me to meet Mama Joyce’s son, Glenn Murray, about seventeen years or so ago when we used to work together in corporate America and until this day he is a great friend of mine. Shortly after meeting Glenn, I was introduced to his wonderful mother and have been connected to her ever since that time. One thing about Mama Joyce that I loved so much is how she always talked so highly of her one and only child, Glenn. She was always saying how proud she was of him and how much she truly LOVED her baby. 

Mama Joyce considered one of my closest and dearest friends, Barbara Keaton Stubblefield, and me as her prodigal daughters “who don’t play well in the sandbox with others” (her joke for Barbara and I). Knowing that Mama Joyce is no longer with us brings me great sadness and has caused me to shed many tears. Mama Joyce thank you for taking me under your wings as one of your daughters. I will forever cherish our good times together, deep conversations and the words of wisdom that you shared with me.

God always knows what we need when we need it and He knew during this journey in my life that I needed to meet and connect with Glenn so that I could meet his wonderful mother. I’m SO glad that I did! Actually, I’m thankful to God that I met them both because Glenn has been a blessing in my life as well. 

I am now about to chill out, rest my mind and get ready for bed because tomorrow I will be attending the services to celebrate Mama Joyce’s life.

RIP Mama Joyce. I love and miss you.

p.s. Glenn, THANK YOU for sharing your mother with me and so many others.

©Copyright Carla J. Curtis

April 2016

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Women Divided Within the Church

Sitting here on this Saturday evening, I went looking through some old files on my computer and ran across a few articles that I wrote over ten years ago. After reading a few of them, I decided to post this one on Carla's Reflections. I'm still trying to figure out what prompted me to write this article in the first place so long ago -- somebody probably made me mad at church and since I have been known to snap off, more than likely I decided to come home to write an article to let off my frustrations. I do remember though that it was published in a local magazine out of Indiana, I believe. I also believe that it was posted online a few places. This is why I need to be more organized so I can put my hands on the magazine that is was printed in and the document that contains where some of my articles have been posted. Anyway, check it out...

While entering the sanctuary for Sunday service, a rather stunning woman with smooth silky skin confidently walks down the aisle in a stylish designer blue pinstriped pants suit. Before the usher is able to find a bench with an available seat, another woman already seated in a pew is quickly forming her lips, crinkling her nose and rolling her eyes once or twice and spewing the words, “Look at her, she thinks she’s all that. She ain’t nothing.”  

The woman who speaks these negative words doesn’t understand as it says in Proverbs 18:21 (MSG), Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose. As women of God, we should make it a priority to stick together and only speak words that uplift rather than tear down. 

Within the body of Christ, it’s unfortunate that some women have this ungodly way of thinking and sadly enough this mindset spreads throughout many churches when it should not. For instance, women who may experience envy due to another wearing a designer outfit whereas they may barely have the funds to shop at Goodwill, let alone Wal-Mart. Married women are uncomfortable being around single women for fear that these women will flirt with their husbands. Then, there are single women who experience jealousy because they don’t have a husband at home or even the prospect of one in near sight.  Educated women looking down on the less educated and the less-educated women calling the educated ones snobs and the list go on. 

The fact remains that as women of God we should celebrate, encourage and uplift each other instead of being judgmental. As my mother drilled in my head while growing up, “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all” and she is so right. I know that I am not perfect and due to maltreatment from others, at one time, I got caught up with this same mentality; I felt I had a reason to act ignorant since other women chose to judge me before even knowing my name.

I have realized the error of my ways and have asked for forgiveness for my actions. Instead of striking back when I get certain looks, I’ve now learned the best thing that I can do is not take these actions seriously because after all it’s important for me to forgive others just as God has forgiven me. When my mind wants to resort to its old way of thinking, I read Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV), as a reminder. If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. 

Although no woman is perfect, it is my prayer that speaking positively about one another versus negatively becomes more of the norm. In doing so, I know we are taking the first step into ensuring that we won’t be Women Divided within the Church, which in turn makes the world a better place and helps to build the body of Christ.

©Carla J. Curtis, November 2005

A Sistah's Perspective: Journeying Through the Season of Singleness

Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

All too often, I have found that we single sistahs in the church seem to think that God has passed us by when it comes to being blessed with a husband. We come to church, pray, tithe, worship, serve on committees, and want to have the company of a strong African-American Christian husband. As the tears roll down our brown cheeks, we ask God, “Did you forget about blessing me with a husband?” 

Each week as the seat beside us (claimed as our husband’s) stays empty, we lose the faith.  And, when we hear the words, “Sistah, perhaps it’s not in God’s will that you marry,” makes things even worse. Then we engage in pity parties and depression sessions.

Although it gets hard at times, we have to be relentless in our pursuit for God and righteous living. If we are not seeking God’s will first, then Satan can fill our heads with negative thoughts which may cause us to doubt God. When loneliness seems to be at its peaks in our lives, we have to fast, pray and read our Bibles more. We can even ask someone to pray with and for us.

We have to persist in doing what is necessary to not allow our singleness to prevent us from living happy, productive and fulfilled lives. Most importantly, we have to come to the understanding that being single is not a curse, as some people make it seem. We have to thank God for this season because it will be different when we have to consider a husband’s needs rather than just our own. And, let’s be real, some of us, including myself, can be selfish at times.

During our season of singleness, we must make righteous living a priority so that we can begin pursuing our destinies. We cannot do this if we are always having pity parties with ourselves and other single sistahs about the shortage of available Black men and how trifling the ones are in which we have been in relationships. This type of behavior is a waste of time. In lieu of the pity party trap, God wants us to do what is necessary to build the kingdom of God and not tear it down. We need to use this time of singleness to focus on God’s will for our lives.

As single sistahs, we have to change our mindset of singleness and thank God for using this time to prune and prepare us to do a mighty work for Him. When God feels that we are ready, we will be introduced to our ‘Boaz’ and we will then be ready to welcome him with open arms. 

© Copyright Carla J. Curtis

August 2004