A Bittersweet Fiftieth Birthday


Happy birthday to me! Today I turned fifty years old or as some would say -- a half-century old. Although I am grateful to be on this side of the dirt and am trying my best to be in a celebratory mood, I am not. As usual I received text messages, emails, calls as well as cards and gifts from others, in which I am grateful. However, I am still not in a bubbly mood and just don't really want to celebrate this milestone in my life in a formal sense as I had planned to do in a big way. 

My plans to have a big fiftieth birthday celebration and vacation all changed for me when my mother got sick this summer and died on July 31, 2015. Planning a big birthday bash and celebration took a back seat to helping take care of my mom to switching gears to assist with the planning of her funeral. So a day which I have long anticipated has now turned bittersweet. And, receiving a birthday card from my dad a few days ago signed only with his name made anticipating this day even worse because it was a reminder that my mom is really no longer here. After receiving this birthday card, I immediately went to the gym to work out rather than allowing my melancholy mood to spiral down an even darker tunnel.

Disappointed that I didn’t have a flight this morning to somewhere far away to celebrate this milestone, I forced myself to get out of the bed, thanked God for another day, went in prayer, read some devotionals and scriptures in the Bible and wrote in my journal. After journaling, I cleaned up my house and then went back to bed to sleep a few more hours hoping that when I woke up it would be the next day. But, it wasn’t. Therefore, I was led to start writing again and this blog post was born.

Like writing, water also calms me, so I just took a hot bath and I’m now headed to the gym to break a sweat. I then will return home to relax and just chill out – but not before taking another bath or shower. I love me some water!

All in all, I am thankful to celebrate another birthday and although my mom is no longer with me, I thank the Lord for giving me forty-nine years with her. Tomorrow is yet another day and I plan to do my best to enjoy it. Perhaps, in a few months, I will take a much needed vacation somewhere to celebrate that I am now a half-century old…

© Carla J. Curtis, October 2015



2 comments:

Afrodeezha said...

I certainly feel you...

DeAnna

Carla J. Curtis said...

Thanks DeAnna for taking the time to read my blog post and for providing your comment. I really and truly appreciate it.

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