7 Benefits of Personal Transparency

 

Originally published on Medium.com, January 20, 2021

Baring our souls and being transparent about our valley experiences can sometimes feel like getting an infected tooth extracted.

Painful!

Yet, if the tooth does not get pulled out, the infection can spread to the entire body.

All of us experience times when we feel hopeless, overwhelmed, joyless, fearful, confused, nervous, and doubtful.

After all, it is normal to have these feelings.

Even so, we must not dwell on these negative experiences. We must push through and move forward no matter how difficult it may be so that we can begin again experiencing hope, joy, balance, clarity, confidence, and peace of mind.

One of the ways to get through tough times is by being transparent about our current situations and not suffering alone, rather than downplaying our feelings because of the fear of being judged and rejected by others.

Below are seven benefits of personal transparency:

1. It shows your humanity.

2. It demonstrates genuineness.

3. It humbles you.

4. It makes you less self-absorbed.

5. It frees you from holding on to negative emotions that can keep you stuck.

6. It can help you feel less alone as you go through your valley experiences in life.

7. It allows you to gain authentic friendships.

What do you need to be transparent about today to gain more emotional freedom and peace of mind?

19 Tips for Preventing Relapse during the Holidays

                                                                    Sarah Lawrence for Vox.com 

Originally published on Medium.com, December 26, 2020

The holidays are usually considered fun and joyous occasions but for some individuals in recovery, they are often a struggle.

Why?

Because maintaining sobriety is not easy and during the holidays it can be even more difficult since alcohol and drugs are commonplace at some holiday gatherings.

According to writer Buddy T, “The holiday season is meant to be a joyous occasion that brings family and friends together. But even in the midst of all the holiday excitement, there are often moments of stress and anxiety. If you are recovering from alcohol addiction, this broad spectrum of holiday emotions can challenge even your best intentions for recovery.”

As a therapist and up until a year ago, I primarily worked with adults diagnosed with a co-occurring disorder, both a mental health and substance use disorder. I vividly remember many of the clients vocalizing the increase of their anxiety symptoms and their trepidation of relapsing during the holidays. I have also witnessed how being in recovery and maintaining sobriety during the holidays is often frightening and a struggle for many individuals in recovery.

Therefore, below are 19 tips not in any particular order, to help individuals in recovery maintain their sobriety through the holidays:

1. Do not overcommit and overwhelm yourself.
2. Make self-care a priority and relax, pray, engage in mindfulness, and get some good rest.
3. Monitor your thoughts and embrace positive thinking to improve your mood.
4. Eat healthy as possible.
5. Set clear boundaries.
6. Focus on your blessings and not your struggles.
7. Avoid isolation by staying in constant communication with friends and family.
8. Use healthy coping skills (journaling, listening to music, engaging in an artistic activity, exercise, reading a good book etc.) to manage stressors.
9. Increase your support by attending additional 12-step meetings or begin for the first time. Increase sessions with a therapist or if not seeking therapy make it a priority to do so during the holidays.
10. Stay in constant contact with your sponsor if you have one and if you don’t think about securing one during the holidays.
11. Watch an uplifting movie or comedy.
12. Be of service to others.
13. Develop a sober escape plan for all holiday events.
14. Be okay with saying “no” and not feeling obligated to attend holiday events and if you do inform those in attendance that you no longer drink alcohol or use drugs.
15. Limit the time you spend at holiday gatherings.
16. Have self-compassion if you find yourself struggling.
17. Continue to stay active in your recovery.
18. Commend yourself for the progress you have made on your recovery journey.
19. Remind yourself of the benefits you have received by maintaining your sobriety.

Although it is not easy to remain sober during the holidays, remember that anything worth having requires a lot of hard work, and sobriety is no different.

If you have any additional tips that can help maintain sobriety during the holidays, please leave them in the comments.

Happy Holidays!

5 Tips to Help Adults Dealing with the Death of a Sibling

Photo by Waldemar Brandt on Unsplash

Originally published on Medium.com, December 23, 2020

For many adults, the death of a sibling equates to losing a best friend, confidante, voice of reason, advisor, peacemaker, and encourager with whom many fond memories are shared.

As a matter of fact, adults who have lost siblings are sometimes referred to as “the forgotten mourners” because in many cases little support is given to them. This is not necessarily on purpose. When siblings die, their parents, spouses, children, and grandchildren are usually the first people to be offered words of comfort and condolences. Yet grieving the loss of a sibling has at times been compared to having the same impact of losing a parent.

Although I have not lost a sibling, I have known, comforted, and offered condolences to enough people who have lost a sibling. During these times, I witnessed just how painful losing a sibling is to many people.

If you are mourning the loss of a sibling, here are some suggestions to help you get through the grieving process:

1. Remember, you are hurting too, so do not diminish the pain you are feeling about losing your sibling. Always communicate with your family members about how you are struggling. Your feelings matter.
2. Seek help from others outside of your family to process your thoughts and feelings i.e. grief support group, therapist, clergy member, or trusted friends. Truthfully, your family members may be entirely too overwhelmed with their own grief to offer any support for you.
3. Journal about how you feel about losing your sibling. Writing can be therapeutic. Writing down your thoughts can help release some of the pain you are feeling at the time.
4. Create a nice memory book with pictures of you and your sibling and under each picture write a caption of why the picture makes you smile.
5. Let go of the guilt you might have about something mean you said to your sibling or regrets you have about not spending enough time with him or her. In other words, it’s important to let go of any “unfinished business.” According to H. Norman Wright in Experiencing Grief, “Whatever is unfinished can be a barrier to moving along the path to healing.”

On the other hand, if your siblings are still living and you have unfinished business with them, remember that life is always presenting us with opportunities for new beginnings. So, why not, reach out today.

Lastly, always remember to be patient with yourself as you go through the grieving process. After all, healing takes time…