5 Tips to Help Adults Dealing with the Death of a Sibling

Photo by Waldemar Brandt on Unsplash

Originally published on Medium.com, December 23, 2020

For many adults, the death of a sibling equates to losing a best friend, confidante, voice of reason, advisor, peacemaker, and encourager with whom many fond memories are shared.

As a matter of fact, adults who have lost siblings are sometimes referred to as “the forgotten mourners” because in many cases little support is given to them. This is not necessarily on purpose. When siblings die, their parents, spouses, children, and grandchildren are usually the first people to be offered words of comfort and condolences. Yet grieving the loss of a sibling has at times been compared to having the same impact of losing a parent.

Although I have not lost a sibling, I have known, comforted, and offered condolences to enough people who have lost a sibling. During these times, I witnessed just how painful losing a sibling is to many people.

If you are mourning the loss of a sibling, here are some suggestions to help you get through the grieving process:

1. Remember, you are hurting too, so do not diminish the pain you are feeling about losing your sibling. Always communicate with your family members about how you are struggling. Your feelings matter.
2. Seek help from others outside of your family to process your thoughts and feelings i.e. grief support group, therapist, clergy member, or trusted friends. Truthfully, your family members may be entirely too overwhelmed with their own grief to offer any support for you.
3. Journal about how you feel about losing your sibling. Writing can be therapeutic. Writing down your thoughts can help release some of the pain you are feeling at the time.
4. Create a nice memory book with pictures of you and your sibling and under each picture write a caption of why the picture makes you smile.
5. Let go of the guilt you might have about something mean you said to your sibling or regrets you have about not spending enough time with him or her. In other words, it’s important to let go of any “unfinished business.” According to H. Norman Wright in Experiencing Grief, “Whatever is unfinished can be a barrier to moving along the path to healing.”

On the other hand, if your siblings are still living and you have unfinished business with them, remember that life is always presenting us with opportunities for new beginnings. So, why not, reach out today.

Lastly, always remember to be patient with yourself as you go through the grieving process. After all, healing takes time…